Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee. I wrote to you with childhood fantasy.
Well I'm all grown up now, can you still help somehow? I'm not a child but my heart still can dream.
So here's my life-long wish, my grown-up christmas list, not for myself but for a world in need.
No more lives torn apart,
that wars would never start,
and time will heal all hearts.
Every man would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end.
This is my grown-up christmas list.
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth? Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth.
Michael Buble -- My Grown-Up Christmas List
Monday, July 31, 2006
workaholicism.
hey, word of advice, next time try to finish everything like a day early. it really feels good to be ahead of deadlines for once. like today, by sitting at AMK library (yes, i'm going back there!) and listening to jazz, i managed to complete studying physics and reading those notes of Bio (btw, for those who are about to study, there is a. HD and its related shit, b. Geographical Isolation and its related shit, and c. some Antibiotics shit. see how much mr. chuah has taught us?). So i'm feeling pretty good now, and back home, after this, i'm going to go about completing more work.
it feels good to have jazz while studying.
and also, i feel like i like being caught up with things to do. i don't like to have nothing to do, it's not fun or exciting or time-consuming. on sunday, i felt like not doing anything and just lying there to slack, and all these unpleasant (and also unspecified here) thoughts came to my mind... so i think i dig the workaholic me, and I'll keep filling myself with things to do. Might not be work, can be leisure, but as long as I have something to do.
i'm kind of getting over the depression that i was feeling.
and a girl borrowed my bio textbook at AMK library. whoo.
(also, sorry to all those who believed in me. shane, yh, whatever. thanks for the support and sorry that i did not deliver.)
we had results today. here they are:
Best Script - Don't Go by Boon Ping Best Ensemble - Morrison Best Director - Jun Wei and Wen Jun Best Actor - Ye Wei Most Promising Actor - Anish Hazra Most Promising Young Actor - Joshua Tung Best Play - Hullet House's Before Lesson One
(please inform of any mistakes.)
so that's that. no buckley in there. anw so we had the results, had a fun time running about giving out flowers to EVERYONE. like each house had like 7 or 8 people i gave flowers. my cast and crew and teachers, and ms quah and mr. fong. that's alot of flowers. we were lugging them all the way from kovan to bishan.
oh yes, before that, buckley had dinner together at pastamania (which i made reservations for).
then after the show, we went to olio dome for a Post-Production Party (again which i made reservations for. i tell you, it's fun to make reservations at restaurants (even making them extend past their normal operating hours!) and organizing things.) that was fun, and had a fun time with people like Jun Wei, Wen Jun, Daryl, etc. photos were taken, leaves were eaten (poor, crazy shiyang) and we had our fun. got to know alot of people, boray (sorry! not sure of the actual spelling) and stanley. i hope the people who went had fun.
so now i'm here. i actually had to bring my climbing skills to another level: i had to climb the gate silently, so as not to wake my father. and i succeeded, except my shirt got caught at the end and i kinda made more noise than i wanted to. but climbing is still my passion.
i love all dramafeste people. Daryl, Jun Wei, Boon Ping, Daniel, and all their cast and crew. all the nicest people you would ever want to meet, and the funnest as well. i loved the way we didn't make this year so much of a competition (at least among the directors) but instead, we had fun. we enjoyed each other. we judged each other with not our works, but each other. and i think we liked each other alot. at least, i liked all of you very, very much.
dramafeste is over. welcome the Post-Production Blues. (we must have an rp camp!)
to everyone of you who contributed to make Buckley Dramafeste work out: Charles, Yao, Wei Jie, Si Hao, Jin Kai, Darren, Joel, Jared, Zhan Ming, Ms. Cho, Mrs. Ong, Ms. Kuo.... i hereby send you my sorry. maybe today when i realised we won really little (in fact nothing at all, if you consider 'we'), and maybe i created some sort of fake happy facade to hide the sorrow that i had... but i'm sorry. really, anyway you look at it, with my cast and crew doing 100% of what they were told, it leaves only what they were told to be blamed. and that is my fault.
i feared not of not winning a thing. not getting best script (although i did wish to get at least nominated), or whatever. in fact, winning best actor made things worse, because my cast and crew worked so hard for me, and taking a prize for myself is not a thing you wanted to do in my position. they truly believed in what they were doing, and... they were amazing. i know every house say that about themselves, but how many of them get to come to state like ours? everyone has put in their efforts, but if it doesn't pay off? my people wanted very badly to win, and i did not deliver the results they wanted.
it's impossible to have so much responsibility put on you, and not deliver. really. to my dear sec 3s, charles and yao: whatever I did, i did it wrong, so do learn more from next year's RP production before delving into dramafeste, don't take after me. i'm sorry. really.
i know you guys will say it's ok, but I read from your faces that you were not one bit happy that we won nothing. i can't make it up, but I'll give you whatever (assuming you still want it) help that you need next year. sorry.
indeed. it feels good to wake up in the morning, and having the luxury to just lie in for 10 more minutes. i haven't had that in a long time.
the remanants of my props, scripts and whatever are still sitting on the floor in my room. yesterday was such a euphoria and my body just told me I HAD to hit the bed and drift off into peaceful slumber.
it's over! buckley dramafeste 2006 is finally over. we had so much fun together, so much stress as well, but the final product of close to 2 months of reeeeaaaallly tiresome work has been put up twice yesterday, and i dare say, my cast have given their 100% to the show.
my thanks and whatever are all on the programme sheet, so I shan't repeat them here. but there are more people i wanna thank:
Shane, Jinx and Aaron for coming down, and The Directors of all the other houses.
it was so fun, after our performance, to go around hugging people and saying "omg i love your script/play/acting!" haha... got 4 flowers, which is more that I have ever had.
buckley df 2006... will i regret if i didn't win? yes, but only because I feel like i have let my house down. my cast and crew and teachers down. all those who supported me down. like i've said to a thousand and one people, this year's dramafeste isn't like a competition to me, because I feel so close to all the houses and their directors. i don't want to feel like i'm competing. all i know is, buckley put up as good a show as we could, and if our best isn't going to get us there, I am totally fine.
(although that's not saying that we believe we did very much worse than the other houses.)
(and that's not saying that we're arrogant. charles is our pillar of confidence now, and he told me that.)
so now, it's back to normality. it's really not good to have nothing to do, imo. i know, everyone who knows I was going crazy with the work thinks that i'm just crapping, but it's true. i don't like to have to entertain thoughts of vices that i wish not to have. so right now, i'm going jump right into the pool of work and give it my hundred percent! i'm probably going to sign up for that rock climbing course some time soon.
buckley dramafeste 2006. i love you guys!
dramafeste 2006. i can't even describe how much i love EVERYONE OF YOU who were involved!! even right up to the teachers and returning j1 friends!
PS: i'm probably going to pop back and say some stuff that I feel I have left out....
it's 5.09, and i woke up approximately 30 minutes ago.
once again, to a realisation that work is left undone. had it not been for the dress rehearsals we are having today, i would have been dead.
so now, I ask myself, "ye wei, what do you think is the thing that is causing you this?" And my response is, "procrastination. not making hay while the sun shines." literally. I always wait until in the night, when I reach home to do my work or study. I don't make use of the snatches of time I have here and there to study or finish work so I can study.
in view of the upcoming w6 that is generously laden with a gravy of work and tests, I would have to bring back the old "you must make use of every second you get" rule. (I lost it in the first place, because I always discard study methods after a period of not using it. i think I lost this after the June Holidays.) watch me.
I also read jonlim's blog. and I must say, his blog is filled with so much happiness! I'm like all "i want to kill myself." and he's like "yay! whee! MORE FUN!" haha...
In addition, i hope a stroke of luck comes smacking me in my face, cuz my throat still isn't good enough to go and perform for chinese karaoke.
I did a mini-run with my cast today. i told them what to do, thrashed things out with them, and they just came up with results that really impressed me. hereby, a thanks to Yao and Charles for working just so f^cking hard.
and also, with tomorrow's dress rehearsal, I get to skip bio practical! So no need to study yet. Haha... I can keep postponing the practical to next week!
I remember a time, when I was younger, when upon waking up (even before brushing my teeth!), I would run down to my brother's room to play Diablo. When lunch was ready at around 12, I'd go down and while eating watch a useless home decor show on Channel 5 (those that no one watches). In the afternoon, if i'm not playing the game, I'd be chatting with people, or reading an Agatha Christie. And if i'm lucky, in the night, I'd be packing my bag for a stayover, going to bed at around 10 to feel excited about the next day's party.
I wouldn't have to have a single piece of work in my mind. I wouldn't have to carry a piece of work in my bag everywhere I go so that i can finish. I won't have to pretend to be late for school so that I can finish my work. I don't have to have no idea how I fell asleep, or wake up with the first painful thought being the ones of unfinished work.
when I was younger, the world was a much simpler place. people were only people, they didn't have subtexts, there were no tender threads of relationships between everyone. i could offend someone and not speculate about the possible outcomes. I had a simple philosophy to deal with all problems in life: "I hate it, and I can't do anything about it. please let it be over and let me have my life back." i didn't have to face the consequences of realisation. i didn't care as much about the reality of society. i didn't have to try and fit myself in between the crevices of freedom in the grand scheme of things (who drew it up anyway?), and try my hardest to be myself in the sharp stares of the people around me.
where i stand now, i'm am not younger. and i miss those days.
whee. it's 7:16 am as i start this blog entry. my biological clock has not been failing me for the past few days, for I have been waking up at 5:30 every morning. This time, however, I didn't have a maid running along to make sure i don't go back to sleep.
yesterday was really fun. we had CIP and at first i was doing nothing, just sitting around trying to be out of the way. but when my turn came around, it was hell exciting! block party had more screw-ups and miscommunications than I would have liked, but it was SOO fun to have handled them each one by one. so I felt like I was the event organizer, running around being all ensuring this and ensuring that. even though i was really actively thanked by anyone for my hard work at the party, I still feel alright, because i really felt like we helped those people at Kolam Ayer. (on a side note, I saw this elderly who were so in love! they were still holding hands, that's just really heart-warming.) I want to thank:
Wei Zhong, for his computer skills and the quiz, Ashvin, for helping out when I did, Ian and Tian Zhi, for being great MCs and Tian Zhi for helping make the video, Calvin and Alfred, for helpin make the Ibook video, Jian Hui, for being cool and performing anyway, and everyone else without whom I would not have been able to complete the party so successfully.
I just woke up, and was thinking about my life after Dramafeste. As I was telling Shane, I would be so free and not be doing anything. And I would just slack, and then all the vices of the world would come back to me. Lust, greed, sloth, whatever. I would be even more emo than now, because I have time to just sit there and be emo.... So i think I would like to have more things to do during the DMP period.
I wanna go for a run now, after which have to go to Xian Jie's house to do the SS project, one of my other commitments, which would free up by the end of next week. so in Week 5 i would free up 2 more commitments. and if you visit wei zhong's blog you will realise that indeed, term 3 is the most stressful term, but however, my GPA is unlikely to remain above 3.6. I flunked my bio (35%) and my math (the only CCT for this semester) + the TA. i'm so dead. bye MIT.
just woke up, and now i'm faced with several things going on at the same time.
Entre Comp: Yin Jian Yang is a very responsible worker. Everyone who could possibly work with him should know this. He, thankfully, helped us while everyone was away being busy. thanks alot Jian Yang.
RE: I'm sorry Jamie and Zaw. Just... Sorry.
Dramafeste: Need to call people up. And this means i have to tell...
remember when i was emo and depressed? well, i am slightly less now, because one, i feel like i caught up with work, and two, i felt like i am still one of the people around me. this morning i sat down at my table, just feeling very, very depressed, as though everything was not going well for me. then people came and talked to me, even showed concern (to the level that a classmate can go):
Joel: 'Hey Ye Wei, if you're not listening to your ipod can i listen?' 'So Ye Wei, we're reading The Hours and some other Steinback right?' 'Why Ye Wei look so stone?'
Ming Quan: 'Ya, why Ye Wei so stone today?'
Wee Jin: enters, and gives me a light shove on the head. 'So Ye Wei, [can't remember what]'
so i'm blessed. i'll be counting my blessings instead of sheep tonight. but i would like to declare today and now, I DO NOT LIKE (in the homosexual sense at least) MATTHEW CHUAH. the reason this idea has been propagated by my classmates is that they think:
a. Matthew Chuah is good looking. b. Ye Wei is goddamn faggot. c. Faggots fall in love immediately with good looking guys and want to have sexual relations with them.
Therefore, Ye Wei is in love and wants to have sex with Mr. Chuah.
Sorry, wrong answer. Lesson in philosophy: the frickin' arguments have to be true first. Mr. Chuah may be good-looking, but not THAT good looking that warrants the smitten-ness of so many students. second, i'm telling you, i'm not a faggot, goddamned or otherwise. and the third one... well, do a case study on SH.
So please guys, please understand if you are reading this and are from my class. it's getting very awkward for me to even listen in class now, cuz i'm afraid that i will piss him off somemore. like he hates me alot already, so if you continue to make him feel weird and disgusted by the association with me then he will hate me even more. if you are really a friend, please do try to help.
in any case, i just hope the hatred is a figment of my imagination, and that the awkwardness will go soon.
and for Chinese Karaoke Competition, I feel like singing Yi Qian Nian Yi Hou by JJ, instead of what i submitted which is Shi Nian by Eason Chan. not sure, do advice.
i'm still feeling lonely. as I went through the day I felt very tired and weary of life. and one comment from joel placed everything in the right perspective:
Me: "What if i went home and killed myself?" Joel: "Then too bad la! ... Can you don't be so emo?"
Well, I admit, I'm emo, but this is what will happen when I kill myself? I can make the people who made me kill myself feel guilty, but at the same time avoid making the people who might grieve for me grieve because they won't. Suicide is so viable suddenly. How many people will notice the signs, if I did?
I had intended to go for a run, or a walk, or something, just so I can destress and let out some pent-up emotion (I still want to do it), but stayed in school to help Bayley instead. Poor BP has to deal with so much, but now with Cheng and Ryan around I think they'd do fine.
Sigh. I'm sitting here, in the dark, except for the light coming from my screen. I want to go for a run, to think about things, to have some time alone, but I have work. Alot of work.
And today was not a fun one either. Everyday is starting to lose its meaning for me. Today, CLE was a difficult lesson to get through because everyone was saying and cat-calling when I had any form of connection with Mr. Chuah. That simple one hour, was enough to just ruin any friendship that I could have had with him. It's not as simple as a homosexual love, in fact it's not even that, but... there's so much in my life and thoughts that he has brought with his entrance, and it's really affecting me in a bad way. to all of you who think I do... well. sigh. i don't, that's all I can say. I'm just teetering on the edge of this madness that all of you are driving me into.
and not just because of that incident. i just simply realised today, how alone I am. I don't mind being alone when I am, but not when everyone else isn't around. lunch was especially depressing, when I simply stopped and examined myself. and I was alone.
i don't feel like there's anyone i can turn to. really. I mean, i feel very, very blessed to have people like YH, Mrs. Ong, etc. showing concern, but I still feel so alone. I don't feel like I have anyone. I think that's not what is killing me, but the feeling. I'm sure that many people around me have exactly the same amount of friendship interaction, but don't feel as bad as I do. I don't know why.
I went for a walk yesterday night, from my house to the overhead bridge and back. aimlessly. Do you realise that we are always running? The next time you are feeling stressed out, take a walk out and enjoy the fresh air, and the only hard thinking you have should be what the path be like. don't rush it. you be surprised at how much of our lives we are running around, or going somewhere, even to home, to a friend's house... we move, because of a reason. can't we have no reason for once, give some time to yourself and walk?
People around me are happy, while I am sad. I am feeling really, really depressed right now. i'm not in the position to give any logic cuz i'm not thinking. I need help for once. It's so difficult to know how alone a person can be in the world.
I feeling going for a run now. I'm back to know time for myself, cuz i have a fucking big load of work waiting. i just feel... if i died, no one would care or be devastated (except my family). I thought about how it would feel to fall from the top and while the image of my skull splashing open, i think about how guilty I can make the people who never gave a shit about me. it's about revenge. but, i can't do it.
i need, really need. i really need someone to love, and to love me.
it's 4. 42 am, on a schoolday Monday. monday blues.
but it's better than other mornings that i wake up to. this time, i actually feel like i don't have to rush, and i can choose what I want to do... It's a good feeling.
Last night i rushed out our english project... My team pulled through at the end.
And now my shoulder and abs are burning, which imo is a good thing. whee.
These have to be downloaded: Somebody to Love, Elliott Yamin Flying without Wings, Westlife + Reuben Studdard (the song i had intended to sing for RS finals if i get through...)
i remember there was a time when Friday was my designated "day of slack". this could mean 1) I just not do any work and chat with friends or watch tv, or 2) I do the pieces of work that I want to do, regardless of priority. today, since I've had a murderous 3 weeks, i decide for it to be the former. here i am.
I just finished watching Michael Buble's DVD "Caught in the Act" (that thing has been sitting there for weeks!) and I must say, he is my idol. He is so comfortable on stage and he is funny, and he cares about his audience. I think sometimes he edges arrogance, but i say it's massive confidence. if i could perform half as well as him I would be happy. haha, I was constantly thinking of RS and SI while watching it.
speaking of SI, and this is directed to you Lionel, I think Mathilda is good. I think she can sing, and if anyone of you cannot accept that, then I think your taste in music should go down into the bowl. I agree with Lionel that yes, she has a disadvantage in the competition and might not go far, but I don't like the fact that he thinks she should leave because she doesn't look as good as some of the other contestants! i was thinking of ranting about this. it's a sad world when you realize that looks become a big part of today's society. but as much as i wish to believe that whatever's inside is what counts, I have to admit that if you look good, you have things easier.
a few days back I felt rather alone. not sure why, but it was after soccer. when I was leaving, i suddenly felt a surge of "whole-world-daoing-me-ness" that wasn't fun to say the least. people who came along to see me changing and reading on the floor behind my desk would remember. i've shifted cliques, i must say. from the Aaron+Victor+Yu Jun(+more recently, Rainer+VicQ+Brian+Xian Jie) clique, to the... what? where am I now? ok now i know i hang out alot with people like Ming Quan, Jason, JK (with whom my disagreement has been now well known), Mark maybe... And the people sitting around me. But where am I? I don't have any really close friends in this class. and when you have people that totally clash with you like Lionel (for his ego and worldly view on the world) and VicW (for his terribly... un-subtextual personality)... It's hard. I fall back on my other friends for that reason.
here's my new bio teacher, for all to see. he was reported chatting with Liang Jie's (a.k.a. LL Cool J (lame)) brother, who coincidentally was our PE teacher.
haha kidding. but you should see the resemblance. the hair the face the voice.
That's the bio teacher, Mr. Matthew Chuah on the far left (i don't know the rest, but i think the guy on the far right is called Jianhong. then there's a Koh Tai Wee or something.):
Graduated/enrolled in RJ in 2002 i think, and has been through NS. SLT2 if I'm not wrong. Here's him on the right for a change:
That guy is i think his best bud (in camp at least, and to the guy at least). Well, I know more than one person that think he's hot. And i think he would find it really funny.
for me, it's really scary to realise that my existence was the last in my family. What if they had stopped at 5? I wouldn't even exist, and the world would be a different (perhaps better, I don't know) place. Definitely, for me (at least right now), my world would be much better if i hadn't existed. I try to imagine what life would be like without some of the people i know in this world, and they do make hell of a difference with their presence. Are you one of these people? Can you confidently tell yourself that 'yes, this world would have been a worse place for many people if I wasn't here'?
I can't. Not to my friends, not to my family, not even to myself. I'm doing myself a disfavour by existing. Maybe I have people who love me out there, just maybe, and I thank all of them (or you, if you're reading) for it. And i do love many people out there. But I still cannot say I have made this world much better.
Reflect on your life. Learn from other's mistakes, cuz we don't live long enough to make them all ourselves. And with regards to this, even if you learnt it in your lifetime, the corrective measures will be too late.
(the reason I'm writing this post is I just realised that sometimes, there are situations when I am just that somebody that walks along the street, the somebody that if died, will draw a quick gasp of shock from my acquaintances, then nothing else. i'm trying very hard to cling on to the tender threads of life and relationships. i say and do things i regret, and i admit i am wrong.
the next time i am adamant about my being right when I really knew i was wrong, do understand.)
Mark, there. interpret the above in whatever way you want, and if you think your shrewd judgement at Yoshinoya today was amazing and appropriate for that situation... well. Yong Hao, please don't comment stuff because I hardly post emo stuff ok. I'm just feeling really down now. Jin Kai, i say stuff I regret. to continue this cold war will be immature. i won't say sorry, because i don't want to not mean it, but i am apologetic.
today, was not a good day in some respect, but great otherwise.
not good: i had 2 new commitments/work popping up, namely the YES! proposal and the HomeCreation groupings. I also did not have a productive rehearsal with Yao Guang.
good: I managed to stay awake, despite it all! using the ideas I have from many places (loud music, many lights, water and regular walks), I have managed to make it to 12.05 am. Not much, I know, but you need to see how tired i was at like 10. even though I have 5 minute doze-offs, i think I'm doing great.
normally at this time I would be rushing to shower in a half-asleep manner, checking out what I have to bring to school and cleaning up my computer taskbar, all while trying to recall what I was supposed to recall.
but no. I'm here, blogging, readying myself for a round of rushed work, intending to go back to school in about 2/3 hours or so.
all because I fell asleep.
can anyone tell me how to fix this? i really need help. My dilemma is I work best in the late night/early morning period (11pm - 5am), either that or my day is usually taken up because of daily arrangements, and I fall asleep by the time I finish my work. You know how much it sucks to always wake up, with the first thought to be the work you haven't finished? It sucks bad.
Can someone give me a way to stay awake? Alarm clocks don't work (unless you can find me one that does), and neither does coffee. sigh.
indeed. 1-1 draw, with 5-3 on penalties. there you go. i realised i was mostly supporting France, which is why i felt really outraged by Zidane's nonsense headbutt. I mean, hello? reruns are playing on TV now.
sorry for the lack of posting. shane pointed that out to me yesterday, as is evident by the last post. well, you know how busy I've been. in fact, after blogging here, I'm going to have to plan my day for tomorrow. then I sleep, then I wake at 8 30 to make sure I am early in signing up for my DMPs.
i know on Saturday, in my transit from place to place, and in the process of doing things, I had a thousand and one thoughts running through my mind. is this bi-polar? I really hope not.
now let me rant (I am behind on 100 words!):
why? why did you have to do this at this weird time, when I'm here, feeling alright with my life? a small email, and that was all it took. one small email that led to information beyond anything I could handle right now. sure enough, i might have been one of the few thousand anonymous acquaintance that had the blessing of the Power above to receive it, but how many of these acquaintances really wanted to see it? in my opinion, at least one. you are a difficult man to handle, and I hope.... I just hope you won't (or the Power won't) deal me such a nasty joke.
Yong Hao's party was fun. He was so enthusiastic and even before that, he made it a point to make sure that all of us aren't caught with nothing to do in the day. but like i was telling shane, I don't mind just going to his house to crap. I mean, was the day not quickly whittled away? haha... Yong hao was a different person during the day.
tv has alot of post-world cup stuff. ALOT. goodnight/morning.
The best part about philosophy is talking about issues that people already have a pre-conceived notion about, but you have a strong case against. Like humans should not eat meat, what makes you you, whether drugs should be legalized and whether guns should be banned. When it gets to the controversial topics, it's even more fun, because the people who believe strongly in something often trips over himself in justification. Like whether God exists.
And no, I don't need any of your attacks. I believe that you believe in Him, and I respect that.
But really, political philosophy is boring.
(thanks to my DF cast, yao and charles for coming down today. and also mrs. ong! prologue and flashback 1 is done!)
before the videos, I wanna rant. lol go ahead, skip this if you wanna.
I now treat school like work. I have thought of it as a prison before, but that's been used by Jack Neo so I don't want to repeat him. It's like a never-ending cycle of going somewhere, being in the process of doing something, then going somewhere again. Today was like that. Now I take heart in all the little things that I can reap after a day of "work": a little song as I make my way to my doorstep, the practicing in the shower, the funny things that my friends have to say. I've never noticed these things so much before; now tell me, when school gives me the above thoughts, what kind of stress is school?
now the vids. if you prefer (and i think it would be better) you can click on the play button in the center of the screen to go to YouTube site to view it. It's better that way.
This is aaron half-naked after school. LOL.
This is crazy. Victim is Vic. Q., and in this one you can actually see Vic. W. jump from table to the pile of people.
This is the dunking at the party i spoke about a few days back. It's so damn fun.
This is the human wave! OMG. This is damn funny. It's victor and brian and lionel and rainer and the lot doing an AH MA wave. whooo! and by some pure genius, jason (the videographer of today's videos and most of future ones, since he is better) managed to pick the perfect song and make it ALL THE MORE FUNNY. enjoy.
This class is so cool. You know today, the taiwanese kids came, and victor like pushed one of them onto the human pile behind him. omg. the look on the taiwan kid's face was classic.
firstly, thank you Charles, for coming for rehs and practising so hard to get it right. today was really productive in my book.
BUT. most of all, thank you for shielding my face from the rest of the bus! oh dear, you know what happened. I was sitting on the round thing (you know usually when the bus has seats that face the opposite direction from the rest of the seats, at the front of the bus, behind it it's always a round surface?), and the bus suddenly stopped with a hard brake. i just knew something bad was going to happen when the menacing "beeeeeep" came from the machinery upfront. and the guy in front of me was laughing. if only i had a picture.
which brings me to my rantings:
Embarrassments are inevitable in life! We've got to accept that. But there are two ways of dealing with it: one, is to feel wanting to die and having a tomato for a head. Two, is to laugh at yourself, together with the others. It's not easy to do the latter (I, myself, have a little of the former), but think of what it could do for you. Firstly, you won't feel as embarrassed. And also, when you accept such humiliating situations, it's easier for you to be bolder in future situations that require some confidence and courage. Cheers for humiliation!
So laugh at yourself! You'll be surprised with how much better you feel.
"People are mean to people who are vulnerable," a friend told me. Well, I couldn’t agree more. Confidence is something I lack in, be it singing or acting onstage, or simply being the centre of attention in front of a large group of people. I have no faith in my looks, but I believe that my friends are not wrong when they tell me my singing is good.
Believe in yourself whatever you do. Only a person that has never really felt comfortable onstage can tell you that. Faith in yourself is necessary.
haha. today was kind of stressful. making a list of the work i have to complete helped, but it also reminded me...
hmm modelling is sooooo cool. if only i could look better to have a shot at it. sigh. anw maybe a better will help (thanks oliver!).
and today me and jinkai burnt like a lot of time doing nothing. appreciating yamin, and most of all recording nonsense. the following are our "escapades".
