slip a prozac in my throat ; i don't want to know i don't want to love you.

funny. it's the first time in days i haven't really emo-ed about you crush. you know not only are you driving me crazy, you're driving people around me crazy too. so many people want to know who you are, but... like i said i simply cannot tell anyone.

you know when i see you i go weak? i cannot concentrate on what i'm doing. today i guess i was doing a fair bit of work at every moment so i' m fine. i tried not to think about you. last night i cried (i told you you'd make me), and i told hongxiu that i wanted to kill myself. (sorry hongxiu now i'm too embarassed to talk to you) because i honestly did. as in there wasn't a reason why i wanted to die, just that i didn't think that living was going to be a better option anyway. in any case, you drive me crazy. i bloody go weak when i see you.

and the funniest thing is, everyone is wanting to know who you are, even you are. ok maybe you couldn't give half a hoot about who you are. but you know my friends can attest to the fact that recently you've totally emo-ed me to death. hmm. am i letting you go now, now that i can look to the brighter side? i don't know.

FRIENDS: thanks alot. i think that it's really not necessary to care so much about me. because i have this suspicion that i am subconciously actually just emo-ing for you guys to see. for you guys to care about me. for me to get attention. (and even as i type this confession i doubt myself too). i really don't know? but i'll emo and i'll handle it in my own way. thanks alot for your concern.


Crush, i emo-ed about you for 15 minutes waiting for 156 to get my file (thank god it was reported lost...). Here it is (uploaded too, have you seen the others):

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts the Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do 

my favourite line: and not seeing that loving you was what i was trying to do. completely true. i was actually cheered up today by the discovery of postsecret... it was a real outlet for me and i'm going to write something about you k.

love you. to bits. till i wanna die.

posted by wei @ 10:15 PM