fufillment can only bring more hope, can it?
my first post with a question mark in it.today... was nice. ahh got a thousand and one things to say again, but here goes:
"I love you, but exactly because of that I cannot take the fact that you don't reciprocate the love. hardly are you the initiator of an MSN or SMS conversation (i hardly dare to wish for you to be the one to ask me out)... I don't hate you for it. On the contrary I thank God for the fact you don't refuse me nor reply to my love. but to reply is different from to reciprocate. Ah Heaven knows i shouldn't be complaining... You're way out of my league and yet you're here next to me. However... (and i have no idea what is the right way of putting this) it seems something has happened. Has it been regained? I don't know. You are still waiting to figure things, and i'm waiting for your wait to be over. You have no idea how much I think of you and contemplate what is the best way to have you, to convince you of my love. Sometimes I think of putting off talking to you so that I don't seem like I want you so much... So much such that maybe in some weird sense of logic you don't bother to like me back. Sometimes I think of being less in love and more friendly, but Hell am I not in love with you? You decide to play it safe right now, showing me a flag and sign of love which is only because I show the same to you, but never committing yourself to loving me. I don't even dare to tell you this! It's funny how I feel so much like this relationship requires alot more coming from you but I haven't guts to risk it ending altogether. I'm yours, and as Fate has dealt me a beautiful, beautiful hand in you (i love you), perhaps sometime you would learn to love me as much as I love you. there's still so much we have to go through together, and i do hope it gets there. i love you. [s: don't take what I've said as resentment towards anything between us... Damn should I even have said it? What if you use it as a reason to build on the skeptical feeling you have in your heart now? I love you, I can't have that happen. "
yea... a little emo thing to
today was kind of an eventful day. went for jazz performance (shucks I still need alot of work on stage confidence. can anyone please help me?). I sang Spiderman, Quizas and That's All with Yvonne, all of them with the mike shaking in my hand... And since the audience is closer they probably caught it too. Yvonne and Kelly were good, I screwed up here and there. Hmm.
And then stoned around with YH then stoned around alone then went for Deb Fung's concert which was really disappointing. Sean was sleeping la. He proclaimed loudly at the end of the concert "I can't believe I spent 15 bucks watching this shit." Haha it was quite funny. But Deb Fung was not exactly anything special, and she didn't have an ounce of worldly desire nor evil; her songs were all so cheesy, feel-good and full of hope for a betterment of the world that a collection of about 10 of them really put us off. The music wasn't very good either. And she so much cheesy banter before her songs explaining the songs as sean pointed out. sigh it wasn't money well spent.
but neither was the 20 bucks I spent at the arcade.
good night.
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