council results, crush.
it's the most emo of many recent days. i'm on the verge of killing myself. 101 thoughts ran through my head as i took the bus home... sorry shu and chloe. i think i might be convincing myself to be emo, but... in any case, i am dying right now. i hate life. i really can't take much more.First things first, Shuli.... How're you doing? I know you're a strong woman and you'll deal with it... but right now forgive me for feeling emo about you. I really wanted you in and in fact, like i said, you were the most deserving of all of us. there is much more ahead of you in RJ really, just continue to work hard and pursue whatever you want to. It's not like i'm going to not see you anymore, but surely meeting you every morning (at least) would have been great. I'll miss you loads. Like all the crapshit we've put in together. all the time we laugh and laugh at junwei and mel. and other stuff. it's not gonna be as fun now that we don't have an excuse to hang out...
I wanna give you a song. Today i was singing as we walked out of school. Christ I'll really miss you. Dammit. I'll upload it into the faves section. Not that it's really goodbye, but... Yea i just thought it was rather appropriate.
Natalie Imbruglia - Goodbye
VERSEDon't forget us. We won't forget you. You're amazing.
Everydays the same, I feel them merge
I try to separate, resist the urge
But they tell me Ill be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter
CHORUS
But the words wont play
And theres no easy way to say
Goodbye, Goodbye
VERSE
Keep my head on straight and dont-
look down
With all Ive pushed away Im losing
ground
But they tell me Ill be fine
That it will all get better
Just try to write it down
Or put it in a letter
CHORUS
But the words wont play
And theres no easy way to say
Goodbye, Goodbye
MIDDLE
And from the sidelines
Watch me fall down
VERSE
And I dont understand the things I do
But Ill probably be fine
As long as I keep moving
Ill try to write it down
So things just keep improving
Still the words wont play
Cause theres no easy way to say
Goodbye, Goodbye
Now, crush. I said you'd make me cry right? Today you almost did, if not for the presence of Chloe and Shu.
There was so much I had to say about you. Like how you can't bloody see me when i'm so obvious? Like how you obviously cannot learn to love me because I'm not the sort who you like. Are you even reading this? You read others, but mine? I said i'll walk away but reality is... I can't! I can't. I just can't bloody turn away from how completely great you are. I might kill myself because of you, but i'll tell myself not to. Thank you ZY for being observant.
Tonight was perfect to think about you. I listened to this song (i've uploaded it too; i hope you download and listen) and watched the night sky. I've been looking for this feeling of night that I've been missing for so long, and I found it tonight. Beautiful moon. I don't know what more to say. FUCK WHY CAN'T YOU SEE?
I want to stab you. I tried to say goodbye but no... you just had to hold me back. why do you love him and not me? is it because he is already loved? am i just not good enough? let me know...
Hawk Nelson - Everything You Ever Wanted
I walk the line, leave it all behindYou... you just don't get it. You don't. You come and show me how much you love him more than me. what the hell.
I've been waiting forever
Let's go back in time when I could read your mind
Still I've been waiting
It took the seasons going by to know it's not my fault
I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you
It's been so long since you've been home
I used to wait up forever
I used to say a prayer, wishing you were there
I'm still waiting
You told me once you'd show up, but I fell for that before
I fell to pieces then I woke up to no one
Just a picture of Jesus and a house left in pieces
It took the seasons going by to know it's not my fault
I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you
I want you, I need you, I want to believe you
I want you, I need you, I want to believe you
I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything but you
I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you
I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you
I don't know... I just feel like while others have people to comfort them, I totally cannot even let anyone know what I feel. My problems are my own to keep, like secrets, so I have to solve them myselves. and right now emo is all i can do before i slash my own wrists. i dunno how to get back to work. I wish i had someone to share my problems with but no! ARRGH.
shit i'm sorry. two songs for y'all to enjoy. crush you just... drive me crazy. you are... unreadable, to say the least. you play with me then the next you act like you cannot love me. i want to die.
good night.
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