on giving a shit, and mufti.
alot happened today. I shall talk with pictures rather than words. but before that, a little ranting.
If you have friends, you have people who put you down. like when Aaron tells me that my outfit sucked, and to stop singing. like when Mark tells me that my outfit was the ugliest, or that my singing wouldn't get me past auditions in Singapore Idol. But would you rather have that, or have the people who lie to make you feel better, being bad at that? like the makeover guy who told me i was "quite good-looking also". the latter makes me feel even worse than the former, because i don't know how to deal with such genuinely unkind comments. I think i prefer those who you can't figure out, those who praise you alot, and is, to you, a really nice guy. like yujun, who told me i looked the best.
Ok. Back to the day. First i start with what some people were wearing.
Mark - Uniform. Like Aaron.
Kennedy - Something. But the frames were cool.
Brian - Uniform. (Why do people waste a day like this?)
Chee Cheen - Something. Black shoes.
Joel - Giordano Shirt, Bossini pants and French shoes.
Vic Q. - Armani Exchange top and Xtomic bottom.
Yu Jun - Quiksilver Top.
Wen Jun - More Human Than Human tee.
Wee Jin - Planet Hollywood Sydney
i was wearing ralph lauren and xtomic.
and then i had to go to extreme makeover, which really rawked since we managed to get New Urban Male to come down. except i didn't think my makeover was good, the clothes kinda sucked, but i still tried my best to make it look good during the runway. who should have been top 3? Zong Yi, Lionel and Jia Hao? Who should have won? Zong Yi. Who did? Jia Hao, for his 'bulge-revealing' outfit. whoa. now i want to do modelling because it is fun, but quoting Michael Buble, "i realized that I would
(upset, joking pause) be difficult to look at." sigh. anyone wants me? but i really must thank NUM and Mrs. Ong!
mrs. ong doing my hair before dressing up.
me, dressed up.
then there was party that kinda boring. but there was two attempted taupoks today.
that's all from me. thanks and have a nice day!
an unwanted sighting.
I met him again today. It wasn’t easy being forced to spend the uncomfortably small corridor space with him. We pretended not to see each other, and I don’t know about him, but I know I couldn’t stop stealing glances at him. Where had all that time gone to? All the goodwill? There’s pissing someone off, and then there’s putting disgust into a person’s mind whenever he thinks about your existence. I think I have done that successfully, as hard as it is to do. It was easy to circumvent my route to avoid the other two, but this one…
unexpected slack.
haha. i'm blogging here cuz i am actually ahead of my schedule for tonight. (unless i've forgotten something. shit.) what with the idea to not call my team mates for YEC, and Tom informing me that i no longer need the fact file. BTW, i want to say thank you to Tom for being so accomodating to my assholeness in this whole Youth Day project and also sorry.
Youth Day tomorrow will rock! Mr. Chong had the contacts for pros to come down. So it's gonna be way cool. And i'll post pictures of the people i thought dressed the best (or at least most interestingly).
Just a few points I want to blog. (i almost didn't want to blog! i was in such a foul mood in the just now, but now ok.)
Joel can sing. Joel Lee Zhao Jie of 4J. He sang the first part of Breakin' Free from the High School Musical with me, and he was good.
Jeremy borrowed this book called "Bodybuilding for Beginners" once. And his girlfriend is Emily.
i don't think i want to do any uploading now. Rather sianzed. Wanna go do work. And you know, the depression earlier allowed me to sing If I Could Dream by Elvis covered by "Efraym" Elliott Yamin. haha. and i just sent email to m. levet, asking him to help me with french and to teach me french.
i know i know, blogs are about feelings, not stuff like this. (in fact, i'm more than familiar with the situation where I sit there and attempt to recount all events of the day, resulting with failing blogs.) but i'm feeling much better than just now, so no rantings or emo stuff today. haha sorry. maybe my 100 words post lor.
sun's out.
There are three things I like that are natural: the Night, the Wind, and the Rain. Anything that comes close to these (evenings, dark-before-the-storm weather etc.) would never fail to let me feel like I own the world that I solely occupy. The darkness surrounding you and the silence enveloping puts you in this cocoon, where you can stay till the Sun tears it apart. It’s funny how something that’s so much more revered can be the one thing that doesn’t mean anything to me.
The Sun is too hyped. That’s why I’m typing this at 4.30 in the morning.
why you need to enjoy a meaningless life.
What keeps us from killing ourselves?
Practically speaking, what is our point here on earth? There is none. Yet everyday, we lament the many murders and suicides that happen, as though it was a crime on humanity. But the real crime is putting us here in the first place, to live through a lifetime of human emotions and turmoil, made harder only by the fellow human weakness that we all display.
But practically speaking, we’re here, regardless of our understanding ability. So why not make the most out of this life that is so wonderfully peppered with pain and anguish?
m. levet
oh dear. forget what i said, here's his picture:
he is, i tell you, a vietnamese marshall arts expert. born on 24th Jan 1963, in Vichy, France. shane, if you're reading this.... oh my oh my. i am suddenly very frightened by this guy.
rather eventful hours
hi.
many things happened today, but i wanna talk about a few plus some rantings.
firstly, remember my post when i asked about how someone can be friends with a total asshole? well, i realised something with JK. JK can (and don't you try to deny it) be very annoying and self-righteous at times, but these are the "assholes" that actually give a shit about you. today at lunch, I came in and waited for them to finish and go, but only JK turned around and periodically checked on me. the rest didn't bother a single bit about me... ok maybe they didn't see me. but it's still kind of disheartening in comparison to the kind of relationship i remember from P6 years... but alright, everyone is an asshole in some way, but if they are an asshole that give a shit about you, that care for you... well that's a friend to me. so i understand why i'm still friends with yh. here's a sorry to him, whatever he wishes to make out of it.
(jin kai kept asking me if i was pissed off. no, jk, i wasn't. i was just, not able to grasp my feelings of disappointment? perhaps. dunno. but just wasn't pissed off, or angry at them. I just didn't get what i was supposed to do with what kind of emotions i was feeling.)
oh dear. the new french teacher has boiled up quite a storm. it's a guy, and it has uncovered many things. firstly, i like being his pet and i would LOVE to learn spanish from him (by the way, he speaks Vietnamese, Chinese, French, English and Spanish, the first four of which he prob can write and speak fluently. close that jaw.) secondly, ****** seems to have fallen in love with this cunning linguist (remember that Austin Powers line?), so damn funny to see his shy face. and finally, **** told pr***** that his blog is writing about "this guy, that guy, this guy, that guy", showing clearly his homosexual tendencies. and he also told me that [[deleted by request]]. i swear. but really, i have yet to decide if M. Levet is better than Mme. Faussat. [[deleted by request]]
i'll take a better picture next lesson. the ones i have suck.
and yes even ming xue came to us and said "our new french teacher is damn hot! really, he's a damn hot guy!" oh dear.
too much le, dun wanna rant anymore. and got work to do. see ya. but before i go, here's anwaar (whose name means No. 1, by the way):
yong hao + rantings.
just returned from Superman Premiere. 2 and a half hours long, warning to all watching. but before anything i wanna say something about yh.
how do you stay friends with someone who you feel is total asshole? HOW? why am i still so damn friendly with yh, when half the world knows that he can become a total asshole? today, at the movie he was so fucking embarassing. burping at all the wrong times and talking so damn loudly. oh my god. seriously, yh, even if it's one of your many ailments, at least BURP WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CLOSED! we don't need to hear the gurgle of the liquid at the back of your fucking throat? and it's not even like your apologetic or embarassed by it, you just kept drinking, kept burping without even covering your mouth, like you are right! are you really self-righteous to THAT extent? whatever excuse you give me, it's not gonna help because that, was seriously, fucking fucked up. shit, just give me time.
and not to mention the leaving me behind, but that's your dad's friend coming nvm. BUT PLEASE AT LEAST SAY A WORD OF SORRY FOR A MISTAKE YOU MADE. god, how ignorant can people be? fuck this shit.
and don't even want to talk about the movie anymore. if you can't deal with it then blame him.
rantings (and it's not like i'm in the mood to rant, but these thoughts came up throughout the movie):
i like to think about the people who don't matter. like when you watch a film, you see all these random people that don't get to be on the top 20 names at the credits, but in the movie play a critical role of moving the story along. the anonymous henchman who gets killed, the stripper at the club where a shooting begins, the girl who maliciously laughs at the loser kid. all these people must have stories, but where do they go? perhaps because i'm one of them. but if you pulled the camera on them, then would that be the same? hmm, i wanna write a play about these unimportant people with nothing amazing or really cool happening to them.
give me clark kent's looks, give me his body, give me his charm (apply all of the above to richard), heck even give me his fire-water-bullet-proof outfit that mysteriously succumbs to the stabbing of a shard of krypton crystal by a mortal hand. but most of all give me the ability to fly. i will be very happy (for quite some time, after a while it'll get passe) to fly all over the world. and when i'm feeling sad, i'll just fly up there and lone myself, looking down at the world. have you ever wanted to go to space? ever wanted to sit on a cloud? well, superman can do that.
haha, which self-respecting man can stand being in superman's presence and getting a slap to his balls? richard's jealousy against superman aside, he looked like he'd been raped by a gang of prison cellies when superman came and saved the day. lol.
rantings
just came back from a failed attempt to set up an e-saver's acct with standard chartered. would have been a wasted 2 hours, if not for the ya kun kaya toast (coffee & toast still pwnz) and the rantings i have:
working out (hello wt) is like alot of things that we know that shouldn't matter, but actually does; or we know that does matter, but shouldn't. for this kind of things, we cannot sit and ignore, simply saying that it shouldn't matter, and leaving it at that. it's either we join and go with it, or we actively try to reduce it, because we don't want to be caught nowhere and left out. this is the way society works: if you don't stop it before it happens (think... say... goth?), so many people would have caught on in its blazing glory and soon it would be too hard to stop. to ignore is just... well, not very good.
(thus i wanna work out! still looking for that gym partner.)
i'm a very lonely person. no, i don't wanna be emo, maybe it's just now (i never said i don't temporary lapses in emotional strength), but i had this thought last night. let's review some of my closest friends in levels:
Shane, Yong Hao, Jin Kai
Aaron Tan, Jason, Xian Jie, Jin Xiang, Nabil, Cheng
Jia Haur, Aaron, Victor Wong, Yu Jun, etc.
this is NOT, i repeat, NOT a exhaustive/permanent list. i am tired from waking up so early so i'm pretty sure i've categorized people wrongly and/or left people out. anw my point is... as much as (some of) my closest friends are there in the list, do i feel like i can talk to them seriously? to have them know what my real thoughts and interests and feelings are? they're close, but... lol I guess i can't expect all my friends to be perfect... in fact i feel like i turning into a non-friend to alot of people! oh dear, and i still act like an ass and tell myself it's not true... ah well. cheers to the imperfect world! thank you for letting us get away with "less than perfect".
i'm gonna take a nap soon. need to go shopping later. AND SUPERMAN WHOOO! tonight watching superman returns gala premiere! eat that.
work work work.
If there was a way to get out of this, then I would gladly do it. And by this, I meant out of this life. This life that deals me lemons I’m supposed to make lemonades out of. How does one do that? Emotional stuff sucks, but here I am, becoming so damn depressed because of the load of work that I have left. What does one do in this situation? I will try my best to finish, but at the rate I’m going (even writing this) I’m going to get an unhappy day tomorrow. Please, God, help me survive.
f^ck2.
yea, i felt fuckish cuz i have the following left:
zuo wen
ding zhuang meng
book review
cd 4
5
and 6
youth week fact file
youth week prizes
youth week announcements
youth week confirm with teachers
youth week makeover stuff
dramafeste rehearsal schedule
to finish by tml. and by w2 of sch:
english proj (interview + report etc.)
geog proj (report)
re report
ss video (w6)
wish me luck.
and still, the really really nice person predicament. i'm so fucking fucked up that i tried to record some songs to put up but failed. great work.
thanks for listening to my rantings. a cinderella's story.
f^ck.
(the following contains cuss words, lest someone out there can't take them.)
ok returned from the 4J party. We did a few milestone things, but also a few bad things. Yu Jun got dumped into the pool (i need jason's video), i showed my ass to like 7 or more people (dare or dare) and we watched austin powers.
and i raised a point, why does the opposite of hatred be homosexual love? refer to walter's blog at w-host.blogspot.com. and also, think about it -- have you ever had someone like be super goddamn fucking nice to you, then totally trick you out? sigh, not fun. today was like victor's "pry-open-ye-wei's-past-day-o'-fun" day. rainer, jamie, LJ etc.
fuck.
that's just filling up my head, and i'm just not really functioning. seriously, next time you wanna be nice, and totally perfect to someone, please do follow up or don't do it at all. it kills people.
got a cd from my dad, some random chinese songs. had that family song, that jiaji let us hear haha. very nice, but annoying after a while.
and a random thought, i probably cannot do anything close to the sort of stuff that wt or zy does on their blogs. and it got me thinking about what i'm not good at. i'm not good at soccer or most sports. i'm not good at chess. i'm not good with people. i'm not good with emotions. i haven't good looks. i haven't motivation. i.... splurge. i get the jitters like an itch.
but (i think) i can sing. can climb. can bear with pain or fear when i need to.
hmm.
A CINDERELLA'S STORY!!!
google earth.
omg, google earth is so amazing! it's straight out of a spy movie. the details are damn cool! i can't wait till Singapore has a street level search, so that i can get details about places i've never been before. and track people. omg really it's like some The Broker shit.
look at this picture of RI (you can even see the lanes of the pool):
and this picture of the eiffel tower:
to get google earth go google it. duh? now i learnt that the eiffel tower has a viewing deck 2/3 of the way up. and that it's waaay bigger than i imagined it to be.
back2.1
oh dear, if i keep coming back like this i'm gonna burn out.
anw here're a little clip of my singing i felt like putting up.
HomeOn Broadwayfrom my favourite elliott yamin and michael buble.
i wanna work out!
yeah!
but i probably won't unless someone is seriously into it with me.
my arm is aching from arm wrestling jia haur and carrying shane's present (which is something you will laugh at ok fine). and i love that achey feeling.
if you are of about the same definition/fitness as me, do add me on msn or something!
back2.
hmm.
new set-up, still have things to tweak. like the cursor ==> that doesn't work on the upper portion. can someone help? i also need help to put music on my site. those nice little black bars, in a position that can be easily accessed on any page.
i don't wish to disappoint shane, but... the party was much less of a holiday for me than i wanted it to, so... it was disappointing. 'cept for the drinking game, and when i found out that shane liked the present.
oh yes! thank you xian jie for following me round!
some people believe so strongly in something, it becomes part of something they are. if you consider them long enough, you will see in them the beliefs and... let's say subconcious illogical wants.
i need to loosen up more.
back.
haha hi.
this is inspired by Shane. to start again, to rant.
not going to promote much.
if i told you, then great. thanks for coming.
i rant here! haha.
i started this ranting thing, where i write down what i think because i think i think alot. these are what i came up with.
I know two people in my life who cannot afford to be wrong: Jin Kai and Yong Hao. But I hate it more in Jin Kai because he really doesn’t have to be that way. It’s like his silence is a result of a building up against society, against the world, against his life and the people in it. People he doesn’t know are necessarily bad. People who
can be bad are bad. But still I can’t stand the way he has to be right all the time. For Yong Hao… I’ve accepted it.
Do you know how you have logic, but to have logic is to understand that people sometimes don’t? Or rather, most of the time. Talking sense to them is just a waste of time, just take the route that considers their stupidity.
Never let what you feel is the “should-be” attitude and emotion guide how you treat others.
When you’re feeling angry, always know you’re feeling angry and realize all your thoughts may be not what is logical.
Humans, being weak, need each other to lean on. Especially when wanting to be angry against a group of people or a person who they feel they can’t (as a result of their insecurities), they will when someone else is there to be angry with them. For support.
Everyone’s life is the same, just the mentalities different.
Yea. I just wanna do so much tonight. like put up videos, put up songs etc. haha shan't. wait till another time.
